Family Planning

By: Jay Dee, MPH

Unplanned Pregnancy Isn’t Always a Surprise—Sometimes It’s a Miscommunication

Over the past few weeks, I binged one of my all-time favorite shows: Soul Food—the TV spin-off of the iconic film produced by Babyface. Whew, the drama still hits! Please watch it on youtube.

One storyline that stuck with me was Bird and Lem’s pregnancy situation. Bird finds out she’s pregnant. Lem is excited. Bird? Not so much. Life was finally feeling stable—her salon was thriving, her son was gaining independence, and she was reconnecting with herself.

The idea of starting over didn’t feel like a blessing—it felt like a setback.

Eventually, Bird chose to have an abortion, which created deep tension in her relationship. Lem was ready to grow their family, but Bird wasn't (postpartum kicked her ass) and they hadn’t really had the conversation before the pregnancy happened.

Here’s the truth:Not planning for a baby is still planning for a baby.That silence? That lack of clarity? That’s a plan...and it might not be the one you want.

To avoid this kind of conflict, here are a few things to consider:

Talk to your partner about family planning.

This isn’t a one-time conversation—it’s ongoing. What’s a “no” today might become a “yes” in six months. Keep the dialogue open and honest.

Know where you stand.

Do you want kids? Now? Later? Never? Clarity with yourself will help you have better conversations with your partner.

Explore birth control options.

If pregnancy isn’t part of the plan right now, talk to your gynecologist about contraception. There are so many options—from hormonal to non-hormonal—tailored to different needs and lifestyles.

Don’t overlook vasectomies.

Yes, it’s an option—and one that’s often reversible. It’s a short outpatient procedure and could be a good solution for couples wanting long-term pregnancy prevention.

Learn your ovulation cycle.

Avoiding sex during ovulation (typically the most fertile days) is a natural method that requires tracking and awareness. Remember: sperm can live in the body for up to five days!

Bonus Tip: Love Raw Sex? Be Responsible About It.

I just gave you three options to enjoy skin-to-skin intimacy without risking pregnancy. But if none of those options work for you, let’s keep it simple: use condoms.

Raw sex can be amazing but it can quickly turn complicated if you’re not ready for the potential consequences.

Bottom line: Don’t let silence be the plan. Talk, plan, and protect your peace and your relationship.

Until Next Time,

The Vagina Liberator