Children Need To Date

By: Jay Dee, MPH

Why Parents Should Allow Their Kids to Date (Yes, Even Early On)

Dating is simply spending intimate time with someone you like—watching movies, playing games, eating snacks, laughing. That space can absolutely be supervised. Let your children entertain individuals they like by allowing them to hang out in your living room with snacks, visit arcades, and share meals—while you or a trusted adult is nearby. No shame, just structure.

Believe it or not, “dating” can start as early as elementary school. Think playdates! These moments help children become comfortable being around people they like outside of school—and it builds essential social-emotional skills early on.

Why Is Teen Dating So Important?

Teen dating is crucial to developing confidence, communication, boundaries, and emotional intelligence. With proper adult support, teens learn to:

• Express feelings without relying on their bodies

• Communicate their needs and concerns

• Set standards and detect red flags

  
  

If teens never get the chance to practice dating while under supervision, they’re more likely to stumble—hard—once they’re out on their own.

What the Research Says

Studies show that teens who are not allowed to date often engage in sexual activity sooner—usually during the very first private moment they have with someone they like. In contrast, teens who are allowed to spend time with their love interests in casual, supervised settings are more likely to delay their first sexual encounter.

In fact, research consistently supports this:

• Parental monitoring has been shown to delay teens’ first sexual experiences by an average of 1.5 years.

• Teens who are restricted from dating early on may rush into intimacy the moment they’re finally alone with someone.

• Meanwhile, those who are used to supervised, open interactions tend to wait longer and approach intimacy with better communication, emotional regulation, and self-awareness.

  
  

So while you may think you’re “protecting” your child by banning dating, you may be pushing them toward riskier behavior.

Puberty Is Real—Let’s Stop Acting Like It Isn’t

Teens are going through puberty. Boys are producing sperm, girls are starting their periods, and everyone’s hormones are firing. Teens feel sexual tension—even if they don’t understand it yet. While many boys may privately masturbate to release that energy, girls often internalize their confusion or suppress their feelings, which can lead to shame, poor self-image, or emotional outbursts.

Instead of pretending your teen doesn’t feel desire—guide them. Give them tools to talk about feelings and experiences safely.

Let Them Date… So You Can Teach Them to Heal

Dating isn’t just about joy—it’s about heartbreak, too. If you never allow your child to experience emotional closeness, they won’t learn how to handle disappointment. And that’s a serious risk.

Without your support, teens may:

• Suffer in silence

• Turn to TikTok or social media for “advice”

• Imitate toxic behavior they see online

  
  

This is your opportunity to guide them through their first emotional letdowns. Help them recognize red flags, identify unhealthy behaviors, and understand how to walk away gracefully. Talking—and truly listening—after a breakup is just as important as the first date conversation.

Teen Dating Violence Is Real

This guidance becomes even more critical when we look at the numbers:

• 1 in 12 U.S. high school students experiences physical dating violence

• 1 in 10 reports experiencing sexual dating violence (CDC)

• Up to 19% of teens experience some form of physical or sexual abuse from a partner

• Nearly 1 in 3 adolescent girls report emotional, physical, or verbal abuse in relationships (Wikipedia)

  
  

Teens in abusive relationships often suffer in silence—because they don’t know what healthy love looks like.

That’s why it's so important to teach them early on how to recognize warning signs, communicate their needs, and seek help. Resources like LoveIsRespect.org or the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline can also support these conversations.

By allowing your teen to date—with guidance—you’re not just helping them love better. You’re teaching them how to protect their heart, their safety, and their self-worth.

What Are You Modeling?

Ask yourself: what kind of relationship behavior are you modeling? Are you yelling at your partner? Venting to friends on speakerphone? Your kids are watching and listening.

And don’t forget: their love interests may come from homes where dating violence or disrespect is normal. Teen brains are impressionable. A child is a child. Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen—even eighteen—they’re not as “mature for their age” as you think.

They need your consistent guidance, not isolation....as an adult, you know better and choose otherwise in your relationship (and life) every day! So don't put this past a child.

Final Thought: Guide, Don’t Gatekeep

We all made mistakes in love growing up. We just hope our kids don’t repeat them. But they can’t avoid mistakes—they can only learn through experience.

Let them date. Supervise them. Talk to them. Say things like:

• “How did you feel when they brought you flowers?”

• “I noticed they got upset when they lost—did that bother you?”

  
  

Help them navigate love with grace. That’s how you raise emotionally intelligent adults who know how to date—and more importantly, how to love well.

Takeaway for Parents

• Yes, let your child date—even in elementary school!

• Supervise, keep it open, and treat early crushes like any social milestone.

• Talk about heartbreak, not just "Don’t be sexual."

• Educate on red flags and healthy boundaries.

• Model healthy relationship dynamics yourself.

• Guide, don't ban: teens will try their first kiss eventually—better with your help than in secret.

You got this!

Until Next Time,

The Vagina Liberator