Trust

By: Jay Dee, MPH

My man my man my man....

I met a woman recently who came to get tested for HIV. While we talked, she shared that her husband was cheating. In addition to getting tested, she also asked about starting PrEP.

PrEP, or Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis, is a daily medication that significantly reduces the risk of HIV transmission.

I felt proud of her—but heartbroken for all of us.

She’s a white, trans woman.

Despite not being ready to leave her relationship, she’s taken a powerful step: accepting her reality and choosing to protect her sexual health. That takes courage. And honestly, many of us have been in similar situations—knowing (or strongly suspecting) that our partner is unfaithful, yet staying.

What we should at least be doing is what she’s doing: getting tested, starting PrEP, and reintroducing condoms into the relationship. Yes, your partner might get angry—but which matters more: his feelings or your health?

This situation hit me hard because just last night, I went on a rant about this very topic on IG stories.

In 2022, Duval County reported 334 new HIV diagnoses—261 men and 73 women. Today, over 8,000 people are living with HIV in Duval County, and over 5,000 of them are Black.

Looking deeper into the data, the highest rates are among men who have sex with men. But next in line? Heterosexual women—especially Black women.

Why? Because too often, we are trusting. We stay silent. We convince ourselves that catching him once was the last time. We assume he's using protection. We fear starting an argument. We cling to the hope that if we do everything “right,” the cheating will stop.

I've been that woman. But then it clicked: Why am I compromising my health for someone who clearly doesn’t care about it?

We owe it to ourselves to stay vigilant, to prioritize our health, and to do everything we can to stay HIV and STI negative. It only takes one time.

In fact, many heterosexual women contract HIV in relationships they believed were monogamous.

I hope this story, the data, and even my IG rants inspire you to put your health first—especially if you're in a relationship touched by infidelity.

Until Next Time,

The Vagina Liberator