Dating, Is It A Lost Art?

By: Jay Dee, MPH

Millennials are having a difficult time cultivating intimate relationships

One thing I've noticed is that the art of introduction is lost. When I ask couples, “Do you introduce your single friends to each other?” I’m usually met with a quick, “No.” The number one reason being: “We can’t mess up the vibe of the group if it doesn’t work out.”

I get it.

In today’s society, most people find love through dating apps, including social media. But over the past few years, millennials have expressed that they want to move away from online dating.

That’s not far-fetched. Online dating often presents itself as a hookup market. Someone who is opening themselves up to the idea of love is not necessarily seeking a sexual connection. But then, some will argue that dating sites are filled with individuals—mostly men—who are married or a little crazy.

So if friends and family aren’t introducing people, and online dating is perceived as a sexual hub for serial killers, how exactly are people supposed to find love?

The idea of hanging out in bars, gaining access to high-end gyms, joining country clubs, or grocery shopping in affluent neighborhoods may also be out of touch. For starters, let’s acknowledge the current economy.

While everyone isn’t struggling financially, most people are dialing back their expenses. Millennials are hanging out less and spending more time with friends at kickbacks—usually someone’s home.

Even the classic grocery store or restaurant meet and greet is fading because of online ordering. Food delivery and pickup services have become a billion-dollar industry and are still expected to grow.

Today, the dollar is being spent on convenience first. And for those who are not struggling, many are redirecting their disposable income they have into savings or investments.

Let’s not forget another reality: many people are strongly against meeting someone in a religious setting. For some, it feels performative, corny, or raises questions about authenticity and sexuality.

So again—now what?

As much as people suggest that it’s best to meet someone “organically” (whatever that really means), the truth is that this idea can also be far-fetched. Everyone has some level of fear of rejection. Whether you’re alone or out with friends enjoying the atmosphere, the person who might be eyeing you could easily be second-guessing whether the timing is right.

The environment does not matter. The time of day does not matter. Whether you’re alone or with someone does not matter.

The real issue—no one seems to acknowledge—is confidence. Many people simply lack it. Somewhere along the way, we started believing that hearing “No, thank you” is the end of the world.

Dating is difficult for 3 main reasons:

1. Lack of confidence and fear of rejection

The fear of rejection has killed the organic meeting culture.

Women often believe they’re too good to approach someone first. At the same time, they assume that if the person they’re interested in doesn’t say anything, it must mean they’re not interested. Rarely do they consider that the person may not have seen them yet—or may simply be overthinking too.

The truth is simple: both men and women can be shy and socially awkward.

And then there’s the elephant in the room.

Some men in this generation are evolving into bad bitches. I cannot write this article without acknowledging it. Many genuinely believe they are the prize and that women should chase them.

EEEYUCK!

2. The state of the economy

Even people who are doing relatively well financially may feel intimidated when it comes to dating.

EEEE-MAGINE being a man scrolling online. Post after post shows women saying they only want a man who can pay their rent, fly them out, put Lululemon on their butt, take them to steakhouses, and hand them money.

Is you cool?

The average person in the United States earns about $63,000 a year. Statistically, you are far more likely to meet a man making $63,000 than one making six figures.

Unfortunately, social media has become the standard for reality. Too many people believe a rich person will appear, save them, and provide the lifestyle of their dreams—as if being attractive alone is enough.

It’s not.

In reality, many women posting those expectations online would happily date a man who is kind, plans thoughtful dates, and is genuinely pursuing a healthy relationship. These women are not as out of reach as people think.

3. False pretenses

Y’all… it’s these phones.

People simply don’t know how to converse anymore. As a society, we spend so much time communicating digitally that real conversation has become difficult. Messaging allows people to pause, edit, or even run responses through ChatGPT. Speaking naturally in person now feels like an Olympic sport.

Then there are the filters and likes.

They’ve convinced too many people that they’re above average when they’re actually average—or below it. I’m talking about everything: looks, style, career, and overall lifestyle.

As a result, average people are chasing above-average expectations while overlooking the people who are actually on their level.

So what’s the solution?

Be fucking for real with yourself.

Be confident. Approach people. Shoot your shot. And accept your no’s. I promise you, your world will not end because someone said, “No thank you.”

Date—and be dated. No, you don’t have to play the “my turn, your turn, my turn, your turn” game when it comes to paying for things. But you do need to understand something: you’re dating Joe, the UPS man, not Moneybagg Yo, the rapper.

Adjust your expectations to reality.

Love is beautiful and it should be embraced. But love also takes time, patience, forgiveness, and work. Love is an action. It’s something you nurture.

Love truly is patient, kind, and selfless––1 Corinthians 13 4-8.

I say all of this to say: give real people a real chance.

Not the filtered version. Not the fantasy lifestyle version. Not the social media version.

Real people.

Because love doesn’t live online—it lives in the real world.

Attend singles events. At the very least, you know you’re in a room full of like-minded individuals. It’s not desperate—it’s alignment. It’s not pressure either. Rejection will still exist, but the pressure of guessing whether someone is even open to finding love is gone. And also, these events are fun! Let your hair down.

All in all, if you want to get off-line and into the real world, put yourself in position.

Until Next Time,

The Vagina Liberator

FAQS: Dating, Is It A Lost Art

Q: Have social media standards ruined dating?

A: Social media hasn’t completely ruined dating, but it has distorted expectations. Constant exposure to luxury lifestyles and “high value” relationship content can make ordinary, healthy relationships seem boring or inadequate.

Q: Do some men now expect women to chase them?

A: In some dating circles, yes. Cultural shifts and online discourse have led some men to believe they are the “prize” and that women should pursue them. This dynamic can create confusion about traditional dating roles and expectations.

Q: Are people rejecting partners who are actually good for them?

A: Often, yes. Many people overlook compatible partners because they are chasing unrealistic standards shaped by social media, status, or financial expectations rather than genuine connection.

Q: Why are people afraid to approach someone they’re interested in?

A: Fear of rejection plays a major role. Many people worry about embarrassment or misreading signals, which leads to overthinking instead of simply starting a conversation.

Q: Are singles events desperate or a smart way to meet people?

A: Singles events are not desperate—they’re intentional. Everyone attending knows why they’re there, which removes the guesswork about whether someone is open to meeting a potential partner.

Q: Do people overestimate their dating value because of social media?

A: Sometimes. Filters, likes, and online validation can create inflated perceptions about attractiveness, lifestyle, or status, which may lead people to pursue partners far outside their realistic compatibility range.

Q: Is being attractive enough to secure a long-term relationship?

A: No. While attraction matters, healthy relationships also require emotional maturity, communication, patience, and effort from both partners.

Q: What is the biggest mindset shift people need for modern dating?

A: Honesty with themselves. Being realistic about expectations, open to rejection, and willing to give genuine people a real chance can dramatically improve dating outcomes.