Realistic Dating Expectations: Why Social Media Luxury Isn’t Love

By: Jay Dee, MPH

Realistic Dating Expectations vs. Social Media Fantasies

Let’s get real for a minute. Social media gives us constant access to the highlight reels of celebrities and influencers. Jet‑setting trips, luxury gifts on first dates, and designer every things create an illusion — not a reality most people actually live.

But here’s the truth many women overlook: dating isn’t a luxury lifestyle — it’s a shared reality shaped by real income, responsibilities, and mutual effort.

Why Dating Expectations Should Match Financial Reality

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the average Black American household income hovers around $50,000 a year. Between rent, utilities, groceries, and everyday expenses, there’s often little left for extravagance. Expecting someone earning a median income to fund luxury travel or expensive gifts on demand isn’t love — it’s lifestyle inflation masked as romance.

This doesn’t mean luxury is off the table forever. It means appreciating who someone is now, not who social media says they should be.

Stop Chasing Unrealistic Standards After 30

If you’re over 30 and still waiting for the wealthy, single, jet‑setting man to sweep you off your feet — it’s not impossible, but it’s rare. Most high‑earners are already partnered, parents, or focused on career growth before relationships.

If you passed on “normal dating” in your 20s hoping for a fairy tale, it might be time to recalibrate your expectations instead of resenting reality.

Sex, Money, and Fair Exchange: Know Your Value

Let’s talk about sex — and yes, compensation.I support sex work and believe women should be compensated on their terms. But compensation doesn’t always have to be cash. If a man wants access to your body but won’t invest time, energy, emotional support, or intimacy, your “reward” should reflect equal exchange.

Your time, attention, and sexuality are valuable — and you deserve reciprocity.

What Real Courting Really Looks Like

When a man truly likes you:

• He invests in getting to know you

• He spends quality time with you

• He gifts thoughtfully, not only on birthdays

• He cares about your comfort and confidence

  
  

That’s courting. Not influencer antics. Not 20‑minute glam sessions for Gucci and first‑class flights.

Healthy Relationships Are Grounded in Reality

Here are common real‑life facts about relationships outside Instagram:

• Many couples split bills 50/50

• Most people aren’t spending like influencers

• A large percentage of flashy suitors are scams or not long‑term material

  
  

Social media doesn’t ruin relationships — unrealistic expectations do.

How to Stay Grounded AND Worthy

You deserve love, pleasure, connection, and happiness. Just don’t measure your worth based on:

• Someone else’s highlight reel

• Gifts you haven’t earned

• Trips you haven’t planned together

• Standards Instagram pushed overnight

  
  

Instead, measure worth by:

• Mutual respect

• Emotional effort

• Financial transparency

• Consistent partnership

  
  

Know Your Worth Without Losing Your Reality

• Expectations shape experiences. If you want better partners and better relationships:

• Set standards grounded in reality

• Value mutual effort, not social media optics

• Communicate openly about needs

• Prioritize connection over compensation

Luxury is nice — but healthy love feels better.

Until Next Time,

The Vagina Liberator