Single Motherhood by Choice: Why Some Women Choose Sperm Donors Over Partners

By: Jay Dee, MPH

Single Motherhood by Choice: When a Sperm Donor Makes More Sense Than a Dude

Recently on TikTok, there was a viral trend asking women:

Would you rather be stuck in the woods with a random man or a bear?

The bear won, repeatedly.

Funny—but also telling. Increasingly, women—especially Black women—are choosing sperm donors over romantic partners as a path to motherhood. This isn’t hypothetical; it’s a real, growing trend.

The Rise of Single Motherhood by Choice

Fertility clinics now market directly to single women, and a simple search for “single women using sperm donors” shows the trend is expanding.

Once considered a “white woman’s sport,” single motherhood by choice is now embraced by women across races who want to prioritize motherhood without waiting for a perfect partner.

Why Some Women Skip the Traditional Route

It is heartbreaking that for many women—regardless of race—the idea of conceiving with a man feels:

• Unstable

• Unsafe

• Emotionally draining

  
  

It’s not that women don’t desire partnership. It’s that partnership often comes with too many caveats, sacrifices, and disappointments. Between 2015 and 2017, it’s estimated that over 440,000 sperm donations were used in the U.S.—a number that includes single women, same-sex couples, and heterosexual couples alike.

Just recently, I met a 35-year-old Black woman—thriving in her career, financially stable, emotionally aware—who told me she’s looking into sperm donors. Why? Because dating as a millennial woman can feel like survival. Too many men are:

• Emotionally unavailable

• Financially unstable

• Avoidant of accountability

Why would any woman choose to conceive a child with someone who lacks ambition, healing, a stable home address, and basic communication skills?

Women want presence over perfection. Waiting for a man who may never show up shouldn’t mean sacrificing the desire to become a parent.

Single Motherhood Isn’t About Giving Up on Love

Choosing a sperm donor is about reclaiming power and honoring desires. Women should feel empowered to explore:

• Sperm donation

• IVF

• Adoption

• Co-parenting

  
  

Your biological clock doesn’t have to wait for a worthy partner. Motherhood is valid with or without a wedding ring.

Normalizing Women-Centered Motherhood

Let’s normalize women, especially Black women, choosing motherhood in ways that center joy, peace, and the future. The path may not be traditional, but it is intentional, empowering, and real.

Until Next Time,

The Vagina Liberator