Consent Doesn’t Expire: Why Communication and Permission Matter in Relationships

By: Jay Dee, MPH

Consent Doesn’t Expire in Relationships

Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re entitled to someone’s body.

Relationships—like people—evolve. And with that evolution comes change: emotional, mental, physical, and yes… sexual. Our sexual appetites shift, our comfort levels fluctuate, and we don’t always grow at the same pace as our partners. That’s why it’s essential to regularly check in with each other.

Communication is sexy. Respect is sexy. Consent is non-negotiable.

Let’s be clear: Sexual assault is simple to define. It is forcing or manipulating someone into sex—whether it’s vaginal, oral, or anal—without their clear and informed consent. Period.

The Conversation Around Consent

A few days ago, I posted a reel on Instagram about how waking someone up to oral sex is sexual assault. Yep—if someone is unconscious, asleep, or unable to consent, it’s a violation.

The post sparked deep conversation. I ran a poll, and here’s what came back:

• 72% said they prefer being asked for permission.

• 28% said they don’t mind being woken up and don’t see it as a big deal.

  
  

I get it. When you're in a relationship, you're not necessarily asking, “May I give you head tonight?” every time the mood strikes. There’s a rhythm, a language that many couples develop to express desire. But it’s still vital that this language is mutual, enthusiastic, and ongoing.

Whether you agree with the need for verbal consent or not, the reality is this: something that feels “intimate” to one person can feel violating to another. And acts like waking someone up to sex can result in legal consequences. It’s not about intention—it’s about impact and autonomy.

What is Consent, Really?

Let’s break it down using the FRIES method:

Freely given — Not under pressure, guilt, or manipulation.

Reversible — You can take it back at any time, even in the middle of a sexual act.

Informed — You need all the details. (“I want to do x, y, and z—with a possibility of a and b.”)

Enthusiastic — Consent should feel good, not forced.

Specific — A “yes” to one thing is not a “yes” to everything.

Bottom Line

Sex should never land you on the wrong side of the law. Ask first. Communicate often. Respect always.

Journal Prompt (from Table For One)

Reflect on this:

• How do you typically ask for sex?

• How are you usually asked?

• Have you ever had sex when you didn’t want to—just to keep the peace?

  
  

Explore your answers honestly. Healing and empowerment start with awareness.

Until Next Time,

The Vagina Liberator

FAQs About Consent in Relationships

Q: Does being in a relationship mean automatic sexual consent?

A: No. Consent must always be freely given, enthusiastic, and ongoing, no matter how long you’ve been together.

Q: What is ongoing consent?

A: It’s checking in with your partner regularly to ensure they are comfortable and willing, even during established intimacy.

Q: Can consent be withdrawn?

A: Yes. Consent can be revoked at any time, even in the middle of a sexual act.

Q: What does enthusiastic consent mean?

A: Both partners actively agree and want to engage in the sexual activity—it’s not passive or coerced.

Q: How do I ask for consent in a relationship?

A: Use clear, open communication. Ask directly, respect boundaries, and discuss sexual comfort regularly.

Q: Why is consent important even with a partner you trust?

A: People’s comfort levels and desires change over time. Consent ensures intimacy is always safe, respectful, and mutually enjoyable.