Sex Toys Are Your Friends, Not Your Enemies

By: Jay Dee, MPH

Toys, Toys, Toys, Toys...Toys All Over The World

There are thousands of sex toys on the market, but don't let that overwhelm you. Most toys fall into one of seven categories: dildos, vibrators, anal toys, penis (cock) rings, strap-ons and harnesses, masturbators/sleeves, and kink accessories.

If you're brand new to toys, don't overthink it. The goal is simple: find something that gives you the type of pleasure you're looking for.

How to Choose the Perfect Toy

Before you buy anything, ask yourself one question:

What sensation am I looking for?

Sure, the end goal is probably an orgasm or simply more pleasure, but your first toy should match the experience you actually want.

Personally, I wouldn't recommend starting with a manual dildo. There are beginner-friendly options that require much less effort and are designed to make pleasure easier, not harder.

If you're buying your first toy, I'd recommend starting with one of these three vibrators.

Bullet Vibrators

Bullet vibrators are designed for external stimulation only. They're small, discreet, and easy to use, making them perfect for beginners.

Some come with a remote that fits comfortably in your hand, while others have controls built directly into the toy. Simply glide the vibrator over different areas of your vulva, adjusting the vibration settings until you find what feels best.

Don't be afraid to explore. Every body is different.

Suction Toys

Think of the famous Rose Toy.

Suction toys, often called clitoral suction toys or "clit suckers," use gentle pulses of air to stimulate the clitoris. Many people say the sensation closely mimics receiving oral sex.

I like to call these the "head" of sex toys because, for many women, they deliver mind-blowing pleasure with very little effort.

Rabbit Vibrators

Rabbit vibrators are a little more advanced because they provide dual stimulation.

One arm rests against the clitoris while the other is inserted into the vagina, stimulating both areas at the same time. Unlike a manual dildo, the vibration does the work for you.

That's why I often recommend waiting until you're comfortable with toys before graduating to a rabbit. While it's beginner-friendly enough for some women, it can feel like a lot if it's your very first experience.

Toy Safety Matters

Cleaning your toys isn't optional—it's part of good sexual health.

Always wash your hands and your toys before and after masturbation or partnered sex.

After use, vaginal fluids and other bodily fluids can remain on a toy. If it's put away without being cleaned, bacteria or yeast can grow, especially if it's stored in a warm, dark place. Using an unwashed toy may increase your risk of infections like bacterial vaginosis (BV), a yeast infection, or a urinary tract infection (UTI).

If you used a toy while you had a sexually transmitted infection (STI), using it again without properly cleaning it could also expose you to the same infection again or potentially expose a partner.

The safest way to clean your toys is with a cleaner specifically designed for sex toys. If you don't have one, warm water and a mild, unscented antibacterial soap work well for most toys.

Be sure to follow the manufacturer's cleaning instructions, especially for toys made of silicone or other specialty materials.

Don't Skip the Lube

If you take away one piece of advice from this article, let it be this:

Use lube.

A quality water-based lubricant is compatible with virtually all sex toys and helps reduce friction during both external stimulation and vaginal penetration. Less friction means more comfort, more pleasure, and a smoother overall experience.

In my experience, many women who say they "don't like sex toys" actually skipped this step. They placed a vibrating toy on a dry vulva, experienced uncomfortable friction, and assumed toys just weren't for them.

Don't do yourself like that.

Grab a beginner-friendly toy, pair it with a good water-based lube, and give yourself permission to explore. You may discover that the right combination completely changes your experience.

Remember, sex toys aren't your competition—they're simply another tool to help you learn your body, increase your pleasure, and make solo or partnered sex even more enjoyable.

All in all, sex toys will work harder for you! The vibrating sensations paired with lube can help maximize the vagina’s lubrication, relax muscles, and increase pleasure…..for everyone! Give it one more try (wink)!

Until Next Time,

The Vagina Liberator

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What is the best sex toy for beginners?

A: Most beginners do best with a bullet vibrator or a clitoral suction toy. They're easy to use, non-intimidating, and designed for external stimulation, making them a great introduction to sex toys.

Q: Do I need to use lube with a sex toy?

A: While it's not required, it's highly recommended. A quality water-based lubricant reduces friction, increases comfort, and often makes the experience much more pleasurable. It's also compatible with virtually all sex toy materials.

Q: How do I clean my sex toys?

A: Wash your toys before and after every use with warm water and a toy cleaner or a mild, unscented antibacterial soap if appropriate for the toy's material. Always let your toy dry completely before storing it, and follow the manufacturer's cleaning instructions.

Q: Can sharing or not cleaning sex toys cause infections?

A: Yes. Using unwashed toys may increase the risk of bacterial or yeast infections. If sharing toys with a partner, use a new condom over the toy between users or clean it thoroughly before it's used again. Proper cleaning is an important part of safer sexual health.