Rules To Fucking Your Friend

By: Jay Dee, MPH

Don’t!

But if you must... let’s talk about it.

Adding sex to a platonic relationship can be tricky. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t—and when it stops working, that’s okay too.

Here’s what I mean. The slippery slope comes in when this line gets blurred within a friend group or when the two of you don’t have the emotional intelligence to handle it.

If it happens within a friend group, you can try to keep it a secret. Spoiler alert: it’s never really a secret. Do what you want with that info!

Rules to Keep It Cute (and Complicated-Free)

1. Talk about why you’re not romantically compatible. Before crossing the line, ask yourselves: Why don’t we want a romantic relationship with each other? This isn’t a negative conversation. It’s just honesty.Example:

“You want a partner who will take care of you. I want someone who goes 50/50. That’s not going to change for me, and I’m not trying to change you.”

Our expectations in romance show us if we’re compatible or not. Don’t fight that truth.

2. Define your new relationship. You were friends. Now you’re friends-with-benefits. That’s still a relationship—it’s just different. It's a sexual relationship! Be crystal clear about boundaries:

• “We’re still friends.”

• “We have sex occasionally, but we’re not dating.”

• “I’m actively dating people who I do want exclusivity with, and that person is not you.”

• “When those people are around, my attention will be on them. I expect you to engage with me like a friend, not a jealous ex.”

  
  

Over-communicate. Lay it all out so there’s zero confusion.

3. Do check-ins (and practice aftercare). Even with boundaries, feelings can shift. Sex isn’t just physical—it comes with hormones that bond and blur. So, yes, this kind of arrangement needs aftercare. Never skip the final act of sex!

If one person starts catching feelings, talk about it in person. Listen. Allow vulnerability. Then, when the timing is right, remind them of the reality: we’re not compatible romantically. Protect the friendship first.

4. Remember: you can change your mind. If it stops working, communicate and step back. Returning to a platonic friendship is still a win!

5. Keep dating other people. Honestly? This is the biggest safety net. If you’re both actively dating, you’re less likely to mistake loneliness for love.

From friendship → sex → exclusivity is possible, but don’t force it. A sexual relationship can be enough on its own—until it isn’t. Then end it with grace!

Let me know: Have you (or someone you know) ever added sex to a friendship? Any regrets—or was it the best decision ever?

Until Next Time,

The Vagina Liberator