Be A Heaux

By: Jay Dee, MPH

Why Do You Have Sex?

If your first thought was “for bonding” or “pleasure”—that’s valid! A lot of women would agree with you. But here’s the thing:Your standards belong to YOU.

And that means it’s also valid if your reason includes luxurious trips, gifts, or financial gain. Your body. Your rules.

Recently, I joked that “women need to start being prostitutes!” Of course, it was said loosely and with humor—but the truth behind the joke is worth unpacking. No, I’m not encouraging anyone to become a sex worker (chill), but if that isyour choice, I’m not here to judge. It’s your business, not mine.

Sex Is What You Make It.

Whether you're doing it for love, connection, power, or perks—just make sure of these three things:

1. Consent is clear and mutual.

2. Use protection.

3. Do it because YOU want to.

   
   

And one more important reminder: don’t judge other women for how or why they have sex.

A Hard Truth: Protection Is Power

Let’s drop a real stat:One reason Black women have the highest rates of STIs and HIV compared to white women is the lack of condom use in relationships—because sex is often overvalued (Wyatt, 1997, Stolen Women: Reclaiming Our Sexuality, Taking Back Our Lives).

Here’s the pattern:In exclusive relationships, many Black women stop using condoms. Why? There’s an assumption that their partner is being faithful—or, at the very least, using condoms with others.

But unfortunately, many men are not taught to value sex the way women do. So yes, men can and do have unprotected sex outside of relationships, risking their partner’s health in the process.

Here’s the kicker:Women with multiple partners and sex workers often use condoms more consistently than monogamous Black women. Let that sink in.

So what’s worse?Having multiple sex partners—or contracting HIV or an STI from the one person you trusted most?

The Bottom Line

There’s no one right way to be a woman. You can be the modest, reserved one—or the woman who is sexually liberated—owns her sexuality and capitalizes on it. Both can exist. Both deserve respect.

Meet Tokyo Mafia

I had the pleasure of going live on IG with Tokyo Mafia, an exotic dancer in Jacksonville, FL, and host of the YouTube podcast Strippers Tips. We talked about everything—from how she chose her profession, to navigating love, life, and womanhood in the world of exotic dancing.

Watch the full interview on my IG Live [here].

Let’s continue normalizing honest conversations about sex, safety, and self-expression—no shame, just truth.

Until Next Time,

The Vagina Liberator