Stealthing: When Condom Removal Is Not Consensual
Stealthing: When Condom Removal Is Not Consensual
Imagine you and your partner are hooking up for sex. It is known that a condom will be used. The mood is set––your beaux has arrived. The sexual tension is thick. Physical foreplay is occurring. Clothes are being removed. The condom is on. Sex has begun!
Eventually, you switch positions and sex feels…different! Smoother, more natural. Perhaps better!
Then it hits you—the condom has been removed.
This is stealthing.
Stealthing occurs when a sexual protection barrier is removed without the consent of everyone involved. It is a form of sexual assault and, depending on the circumstances and applicable law, may be treated as rape.
What Is Stealthing and Why Is It Sexual Assault?
Stealthing occurs when condom removal was not consensual by all parties involved.
Sexual protection barriers can include external condoms, internal condoms, and dental dams. These barriers can help reduce the risk of STIs, HIV, and pregnancy when used correctly.
When a sexual protection barrier is removed without consent, the person who agreed to sex with that barrier did not consent to sex under those changed conditions.
This act can also involve reproductive coercion. It is sexual manipulation, pressure, or forcing someone’s reproductive decision making.
Which is why this act is a form of sexual assault––more specifically, rape.
When a Condom Is No Longer in Place
In instances where the condom does not fit properly, condoms can slip off.
However, once you notice the condom is no longer in place, first ask your partner what happened to the condom, stop, and replace it.
Both external and internal condoms can be involved. An external condom is worn on the penis, while an internal condom is worn inside the vagina or anus. An internal condom can also be used for anal sex.
If the response is anything other than them following directions, the condom removal may have been intentional.
The important part is this: consent needs to be given before one person decides to remove the condom or another sexual protection barrier.
Why Do People Stealth?
There is not one reason why someone may stealth.
Some people may remove a condom because they simply don’t want to use a barrier. Others may remove it because they want sex to feel different or because they want to control what happens during sex.
Stealthing can also be connected to reproductive coercion when someone intentionally removes a barrier to create the possibility of pregnancy or interfere with another person’s reproductive decision making.
This can happen in dating relationships, casual sexual relationships, hookups, or relationships without a history of violence.
It can happen to anyone, regardless of sexual orientation or gender.
Gay men, lesbian women, bisexual people, transgender people, and heterosexual people can all experience non-consensual removal of a sexual protection barrier.
Regardless of the reasoning, removing a condom or other sexual protection barrier without consent violates the agreement that was made about sex.
The Risk of HIV, STIs, and Pregnancy
The transmission of STIs and HIV is also of great concern.
Condoms and other sexual protection barriers can help prevent infections from being passed as well as pregnancy. Correct use of external condoms reduces the risk of HIV and certain STIs, while internal condoms can also provide protection against STIs.
When a barrier is removed without consent, the sexual health risks can change from what the partners originally agreed to.
What to Do After Stealthing
If you experience stealthing, you have options.
Your immediate priorities are your safety, your health, and getting the care and information you need.
Seek Medical Care and Ask About PEP
What is PEP?
PEP stands for post-exposure prophylaxis. It is HIV medicine taken after a possible exposure to HIV to help prevent HIV transmission through sexual contact by 80%.
PEP is for a possible HIV exposure. It should be started as soon as possible and no later than 72 hours after exposure. The sooner PEP is started, the better.
PEP is generally taken daily for 28 days. Your healthcare provider will determine whether
PEP is appropriate based on the circumstances of the exposure.
If you think you may have been exposed to HIV, tell your healthcare provider exactly what occurred and advocate for yourself to start PEP.
PEP may be available through a healthcare provider, urgent care, emergency room, or other qualified healthcare setting.
If you are already taking PrEP, tell your healthcare provider. People taking PrEP as prescribed generally do not need PEP after an exposure, but your provider can determine what is appropriate based on your individual circumstances.
Get Tested for STIs and HIV
Unfortunately, HIV is not the only concern after a sexual protection barrier is removed.
Talk with your healthcare provider about STI testing and follow-up testing. The timing of testing can vary depending on the infection, type of exposure, and whether you have symptoms.
You may also need follow-up HIV testing after PEP or a possible HIV exposure.
Consider Pregnancy Prevention
If pregnancy is possible from the sexual exposure, talk with a healthcare provider or pharmacist about emergency contraception as soon as possible.
Pregnancy prevention is time-sensitive, so do not wait to ask about your options.
If you later discover that you are pregnant, your reproductive options may depend on where you live and the laws in your state.
Depending on your state laws regarding preganncy, consider being proactive by scheduling an abortion 6-8 weeks out from the time you were raped. In the event you are pregnant and choose an abortion, you have an appointment within your state's legal time to received a safe abortion.
Reporting Stealthing and Sexual Assault
Stealthing may have legal consequences depending on where you live and the circumstances of the incident.
If you or someone you know is a victim, you have the right to report sexual assault.
You also have the right to seek medical care and support whether or not you decide to report what happened to law enforcement.
Healthy Sex Requires Consent
Sex should contain consent and enthusiastic people.
Anything less is coercion.
Healthy sex isn’t exclusive to partners who are in love, but sexual partners who enjoy sexual activity with each other.
Pleasure, testing, consent, and aftercare should all be discussed without fear amongst partners who have a healthy sexual relationship.
Whenever you are having sex, it is your right to engage in the activity on mutual terms.
That includes deciding whether a condom or another sexual protection barrier will be used—and having that decision respected throughout the sexual encounter.
Until Next Time,
The Vagina Liberator
FAQs About Stealthing
Q: What is stealthing?
A: Stealthing is the removal of a condom or other sexual protection barrier without the consent of everyone involved.
Q: Can internal condoms be involved in stealthing?
A: Yes. Stealthing can involve both external and internal condoms.
Q: Can anyone experience stealthing?
A: Yes. Stealthing can affect people of any gender or sexual orientation.
Q: Is stealthing sexual assault?
A: Non-consensual condom removal is a form of sexual assault and may be treated as rape depending on the circumstances and applicable law.
Q: Is stealthing reproductive coercion?
A: It can be. Removing a barrier without consent can interfere with another person’s reproductive decision making.
Q: Can stealthing cause pregnancy?
A: Yes. Removing a condom can increase the possibility of pregnancy.
Q: Can stealthing expose me to HIV or STIs?
A: Yes. Removing a sexual protection barrier can increase exposure to HIV and other STIs.
Q: What is PEP?
A: PEP is medicine taken after a possible HIV exposure to help prevent HIV infection.
Q: How soon should I seek PEP?
A: PEP should be started as soon as possible and no later than 72 hours after a possible HIV exposure.
Q: How long do you take PEP?
A: PEP is generally taken for 28 days.
Q: Should I report stealthing?
A: Reporting sexual assault is your right. You can also seek medical care and support whether or not you decide to report.
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