A Misogynistic Man: Signs He Doesn’t Respect Women

By: Jay Dee, MPH

How to Identify A Misogynistic Man

Misogynist: A person who has hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls. —Oxford Languages

There are plenty of straight men who dislike, disrespect, or hold deeply negative beliefs about women while still pursuing relationships and sex with women.

And if you're wondering, “How can a man dislike women but still want women?”—that's exactly where things get interesting.

My Instagram followers actually did a better job explaining this concept than I did, so I’m going to let them answer…

“Easy—these were the niggas I used to see in the barbershop. These are men who were raised to view women as property!” —IG follower #1

“Misogynistic and only wanna be bothered with women when it’s beneficial for them.” —IG follower #2

What does a misogynistic man look like?

Misogyny doesn't always look like a man standing on a street corner yelling that women are inferior.

Sometimes it looks like the man who expects women to serve him.

Sometimes it looks like the man who believes women should cook, clean, submit, have sex, raise the children, and make his life easier simply because she's a woman.

Sometimes it's the man who respects his male friends but constantly criticizes women.

And sometimes, it's the man who seems charming, attentive, and sexually interested—until you disagree with him.

These men can be difficult to identify because wanting a woman and respecting women are two very different things.

A man can desire women sexually while simultaneously believing women are beneath him.

That's misogyny.

The emotionally unavailable misogynist

Misogynistic men are often emotionally unavailable—not necessarily because every emotionally unavailable man is misogynistic, but because misogynistic beliefs can make genuine emotional intimacy difficult.

Why?

Because emotional intimacy requires vulnerability, empathy, accountability, and mutuality.

A man who believes women are inferior may struggle to see a woman as an equal partner.

For some men, the only form of intimacy they are comfortable with is sex.

Sex gives them physical closeness without requiring the emotional vulnerability that comes with actually knowing a woman, listening to her, compromising with her, or allowing her needs to matter.

And even sex can become emotionally disconnected when there is a lack of compassion or respect.

The man who turns everything into a battle of the sexes

Think about your argumentative man.

Not the man who enjoys healthy debate. I'm talking about the man who is always fighting the imaginary battle of men versus women.

You can have a simple conversation about partnership in an exclusive relationship and somehow end up discussing gender roles, what women supposedly don't do, how hard men have it, why women are "too emotional," and why men are supposedly the real victims.

Somehow, he always wins.

His arguments frequently leave you feeling as though being a woman automatically puts you at a disadvantage.

You aren't discussing the issue anymore. You're defending your right to have an opinion.

And that's a problem.

“Usually aggressive, argumentative, regards women as beneath them. Momma issues, but not as aggressive towards men. Real F (fuck) boy behavior. Lol.” —IG follower #3

He expects a woman to serve him

One of the easiest ways to recognize misogynistic thinking is to listen to how a man talks about what women are supposed to do for men.

Does he believe women should automatically cook for him?

Clean for him?

Take care of his children?

Support his career?

Have sex whenever he wants?

Submit because she's "supposed to"?

Does he expect traditional treatment from women while offering little in return?

That's not necessarily traditional relationship preference. It's the expectation of entitlement.

There is nothing wrong with two consenting adults choosing traditional gender roles in their relationship. The problem occurs when a man believes women owe him those roles simply because they are women.

Have you ever heard the saying, “Ask a man to describe a perfect woman and listen as he describes a slave”?

Yeah.

That man.

So, how does a man become misogynistic?

There isn't one universal cause.

Misogyny can develop through family and cultural influences, social conditioning, peer groups, exposure to sexist beliefs, personal experiences, entitlement, unresolved anger, and repeated reinforcement of the idea that women are inferior or should be controlled.

Some people also develop deeply negative beliefs about women after painful relationships or childhood experiences.

But here's where I want women to be careful:

Understanding where misogyny came from does not make it your job to fix it.

You may hear people casually blame "mommy issues" or childhood trauma, and while early relationships can influence how someone learns to view women and relationships, trauma does not automatically create a misogynist.

Plenty of people experience childhood trauma and don't grow up hating women.

Trauma can explain behavior.

It does not excuse behavior.

“From my experience they be having mommy issues, unhealed childhood trauma! They momma wasn’t shit so they think all women ain’t shit! Still very gay though in my opinion because if you hate us that bad and love your homeboy so much, switch sides nigga!” —IG follower #4

And I have to address one part of this comment: disliking women does not tell you anything definitive about a man's sexual orientation. A man's misogyny is about his attitudes and behavior toward women—not whether he's gay, straight, bisexual, or questioning.

Sometimes one bad relationship becomes an excuse to hate all women

Another follower said:

“The men lowkey hate women due to having past trauma relationships with their mothers or having being played by that 1 girl/woman back in the day and they been on a vengeance ever since! Also, these men may have children BUT IF THEY DO…..according to them, they were never in a relationship with the baby momma!” —IG follower #5

We've all heard some version of this.

"My ex was crazy."

"Women ain't loyal."

"You can't trust women."

"All women want money."

"Women only want men for what they can provide."

Having a bad relationship can hurt. Being cheated on can hurt. Being betrayed can hurt.

But there is a difference between saying "That woman hurt me" and deciding "All women are like that."

The second one is a worldview.

And if a man consistently uses his past experiences as justification for disrespecting women in his present relationships, pay attention.

You are not his ex.

You should not have to spend your relationship proving that you're one of the "good ones."

You cannot love the misogyny out of him

This is the part I really want women to understand.

You cannot love a misogynistic man into respecting women.

You cannot be the "good woman" who finally changes his mind.

That's his work—not yours.

People can change, but meaningful change requires self-awareness, accountability, and a genuine willingness to challenge their own beliefs and behavior.

And you don't have to stick around while somebody figures that out.

Why you may not be able to get close to him

If you've ever wondered why you can't seem to emotionally connect with a particular man, this may be part of the answer.

You may be trying to build partnership with someone who believes relationships should be based on hierarchy.

You may be looking for vulnerability from someone who views vulnerability as weakness.

You may be looking for emotional intimacy from someone who only understands physical intimacy.

You may be trying to communicate with someone who believes compromise means the woman didn't get her way.

And you may be trying to earn closeness from someone who doesn't actually view you as an equal.

You can't build mutual intimacy with someone who doesn't believe you're his equal.

So what should you do?

If you recognize these patterns, don't make it your mission to diagnose him, rehabilitate him, or uncover the childhood event that "made him this way."

You don't need a PhD in his trauma to recognize disrespect.

Watch his behavior. Listen to his beliefs. Pay attention to how he treats women he doesn't want anything from.

That's important because a man can treat the woman he's pursuing exceptionally well while treating women he doesn't want with contempt.

How does he talk about his exes, female coworkers, waitresses, women's bodies? Better yet, what happens when a woman tells him "no", disagrres with him? how does he respond when you establish a boundary?

Those moments tell you far more than his good-morning texts ever will.

If the pattern is misogyny, disrespect, entitlement, or contempt for women, believe what you're seeing.

You don't have to stay long enough to prove your diagnosis.

You can simply leave.

Whether misogynistic behavior could be connected to suppressed sexuality, being bisexual, being on the down-low, or being curious. While someone can certainly experience conflict around their sexuality because of societal expectations, sexual orientation cannot be determined from misogynistic behavior.

Whatever the root of his misogyny, remember this:

It is not your responsibility to cure it.

You don't have to become his therapist, mother, rehabilitation program, or relationship experiment.

If a man consistently shows you that he doesn't respect women—believe him.

You deserve a relationship where you don't have to fight for basic respect, defend your womanhood, or convince someone that you're worthy of being treated like an equal.

And if he wants a woman to live on his plantation?

Leave him there.

Until Next Time,

The Vagina Liberator