The Purpose of Sex
- thevaginaliberator
- May 23
- 2 min read
Updated: Jul 21
Why Do You Have Sex? A Conversation Worth Having
Most people don’t stop to really think about why they have sex. It just happens. A mood strikes. A body calls. A DM gets answered.
But what would happen if you slowed down long enough to ask yourself: Why am I doing this? What’s fueling my desire? What do I want to get out of sex—physically, emotionally, spiritually, or otherwise?
This isn’t about judgment. It’s about self-awareness, honesty, and alignment. Whether you're single, dating, or in a long-term relationship, taking inventory of your motivations for sex can shift how you show up in intimacy.
So here’s a challenge for you, your partner, or even your group chat.
Below is a list of reasons people have sex. (Disclaimer: I didn’t create this list, but it’s been floating around for years and is worth revisiting.)
Some reasons might resonate deeply, while others might make you raise an eyebrow. That’s the point—to know yourself better.
12 Reasons People Have Sex:
Love
Reproduction
Monetary gain
To earn luxury items
To establish power over someone
To create a bond (not a soul tie, don’t start!)
Rebellion
Pleasure
To release tension (or sexual tension)
To pay off a debt
To express affection
To prove identity
Now what? Here’s your assignment. Share this list in your group chat and with your partner (separately, of course). Each of you should rank the 12 reasons from most to least important based on your personal truth. This isn’t about what sounds “correct”—this is about what’s real for you.
Once everyone has completed their list, come back together and talk about it.
Explain your #1 reason.
Break down your top 3 and top 5—why do they matter to you?
Then discuss your bottom 3—why are they least important or even a turn-off?
Finally, unpack the middle group. Were there any that were tough to place? Any surprises?
Don’t overthink it. There’s no gold star for "getting it right." This is simply a tool to bring awareness to your desires, needs, and patterns. It's not meant to stir up drama—it's meant to spark reflection, honesty, and maybe a few "a-ha" moments.
With Your Partner: Set the vibe. Don’t do this in a rush or during a commercial break. Sit in the living room with a glass of wine or a cocktail. Light a candle. Put on your favorite playlist. Have some snacks. Let it feel intimate but light-hearted.
Talk. Listen. Laugh. Reflect. And after all that? Go have sex. Make it intentional. Make it good.
The more you understand why you choose to share your body, the more power you reclaim in your sexual experiences. So ask yourself—and others—Why do I have sex?
The answers might surprise you.
Until Next Time,
The Vagina Liberator
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