Bear Or Man? Sperm Donor

By: Jay Dee, MPH

Single Motherhood by Choice: When a Donor Makes More Sense Than a Dude

Recently on TikTok, there was a viral trend where women were asked a simple—yet telling—question: Would you rather be stuck in the woods with a random man or a bear? The bear won. Repeatedly.

Now while this was hilarious—and let’s be honest, a little too real—what struck me even more was the increasing number of women, particularly Black women, who are seriously considering conceiving children through sperm donation without a romantic partner. And I’m not just talking hypotheticals—this is becoming a tangible option for many.

As much as I would love to give you concrete stats, most fertility clinics don’t keep public demographic records specific to single women. But one quick Google search for “single women using sperm donors” opens the floodgates: fertility clinics now market directly to single women, and countless articles detail the rising trend of single-motherhood-by-choice.

When I was younger, I honestly thought this was a “white woman’s sport.” Something I’d only see on daytime talk shows or in a glossy New York Times piece. But as I’ve grown up—and grown into womanhood—I see the appeal. More than that, I get it. I also deeply respect Black women who are choosing to abandon cultural pressures and outdated expectations in pursuit of motherhood on their own terms. Especially when that desire for motherhood runs deep and waiting for the “perfect partner” starts to feel like a gamble on borrowed time.

That being said, it’s still heartbreaking that for many women—regardless of race—the idea of conceiving with a man feels unappealing, unstable, or unsafe. It’s not that women don’t desire partnership. It’s that partnership often comes with too many caveats, sacrifices, and disappointments. Between 2015 and 2017, it’s estimated that over 440,000 sperm donations were used in the U.S.—a number that includes single women, same-sex couples, and heterosexual couples alike. So, the shift is happening.

Just recently, I met a 35-year-old Black woman—thriving in her career, financially stable, emotionally aware—who told me she’s looking into sperm donors. Why? Because dating as a millennial woman has become its own version of survival. Her experiences (and let’s be honest, most of ours) have been filled with men who are emotionally unavailable, financially unstable, underemployed, allergic to accountability, and—plot twist—still want to be catered to. Why would any woman choose to conceive a child with someone who lacks ambition, healing, a stable home address, and basic communication skills?

We’re not even asking for perfection—we’re asking for presence. And too many women are left holding their dreams hostage while waiting on a man to “man up.”

To be clear: choosing single motherhood is not about giving up on love or partnership. It’s about giving in to your deepest desires while reclaiming your power. Women should absolutely feel empowered to explore all paths to motherhood—whether through sperm donation, IVF, adoption, or co-parenting—especially as they age and start to feel the pressure of ticking biological clocks.

Motherhood does not have to be postponed indefinitely because a worthy partner hasn’t arrived. Your desire to become a parent is valid—and you don’t need a wedding ring to legitimize it.

Let’s normalize women—especially Black women—choosing motherhood in ways that center their joy, peace, and future.

Until Next Time,

The Vagina Liberator